Self-Awareness, Creativity and Me

I used to be creative, and it was a long time ago; when I was young and not-risk adverse.

However, after so many years of education, I've grown to follow the 'to-do list' and hence have neglected my creative side. My creative gene have been neglected to the extend that now, I need a 'to-do list' even to function per normal. I am afraid to follow my intuition and rely on advices based on someones' past experiences.

But I am not alone.

I guess, we Singaporeans are simply too afraid to lose and have grown to become a nation full of Kiasus. It could be because we as a society have advanced too fast and we still carry with us our 3rd world mentality of risk; making us a 1st world nation with a 3rd world mindset.

Our parents made us practice past year papers and answer the questions as close as to the sample answer. Our teachers in school, taught us specific methods in solving mathematical questions (eg. model drawing for ratio and fraction) and would reprimand us if we deviate from the proposed standard of answering. And even at university level, we are told how to dress, walk, talk, for the corporate world (Finishing Touch-module), hence restricting creativity.

We pursue the course that we think will be economically viable and by doing so, we have set aside the human need for creativity; embracing the homogeneous factory-sation of ourselves.

I view creativity as something that only those with the time and money can indulge in. I cannot afford to paint a painting (even though I would like to do so), the time could be spent on studying for a module, or giving tuition to earn some extra cash.

I would love to draw and paint but I am just afraid that in doing so, I might slow down and be overtaken by the masses.

However, I also do acknowledge that deep down inside me, there lingers a monster that craves to savour and produce creative peieces, be it painting, photography, webdesigning, recording of embient noise, recording/producing a documentary say on the stray cats of Tampines. But, I may end up fighting this monster for the rest of my alive, afraid that the monster might eat me alive.